THE 1980'S AND THE DEVIL'S CANDY

THE 1980'S AND THE DEVIL'S CANDY

THE INFAMOUS 1980'S! THE ERA IN WHICH I WAS INTRODUCED TO THIS WORLD WAS BOTH A INTERESTING AND CHAOTIC TIME PERIOD IN AMERICAN HISTORY. IT BROUGHT ABOUT THE INTRODUCTION OF NEW TECHNOLOGY WHICH WAS THE BEGINNING OF ALL THE GADGETS THAT PEOPLE CAN'T DO WITHOUT TODAY, AS WELL AS THE EXPLOSION OF THE NEW BREED OF WORLD WIDE ICONS (MICHAEL JORDAN, MICHAEL JACKSON). ALL THOUGH THESE CREATIONS WERE TO QUICKEN THE PACE OF EVERY DAY LIFE FOR THE AVERAGE PERSON SOMETHING MUCH MORE SINISTER WAS SOON TO SHOW UP ON THE SCENE. THE DECADE IN WHICH MY LIFE BEGAN WAS THE BIGGEST DRUG ERA THAT THE WORLD HAS EVER OR WILL EVER SEE GOD WILLING. THE INTRODUCTION OF MASSIVE QUANTITIES OF COCAINE BEING IMPORTED LARGELY FROM THE SOUTH AMERICAN COUNTRY OF COLUMBIA WOULD QUICKLY MAKE MANY PEOPLE RICH AND CAUSE ABSOLUTE DESTRUCTION AMONGST A WHOLE GENERATION OF CHILDREN AND FAMILIES.

COCAINE IN ITS POWDER FORM IS A DANGEROUS MIND ALTERING DRUG PRODUCED FROM THE NATIVE COCA LEAVES OF SOUTH AMERICA HIT AMERICA LIKE A EPIDEMIC THAT SOON WOULD SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL. COCAINE WHICH IS MOST USED BY INGESTING THROUGH THE NOSE WAS DURING THIS TIME EFFECTING ALL LEVELS OF SOCIETY, BUT BEING EXPENSIVE IT WAS MORE COMMONLY USED BY THE UPPER CRUST, PEOPLE SUCH AS LAWYERS, JUDGES, DOCTORS, TEACHERS AND OTHERS THAT YOU WOULDN'T INITIALLY THINK WOULD PARTICIPATE IN THAT KIND OF ACTIVITY. LARGELY IGNORED BY THE MEDIA AND THOSE IN LAW ENFORCEMENT SOMETHING EVEN MORE TERRIBLE WAS ON THE HORIZON.

CRACK COCAINE WHICH IS A COOKED FORM OF ITS POWDER FORM WAS INTRODUCED AND BROUGHT ABOUT HORRENDOUS CHANGES THAT WOULD FOREVER ALTER LIFE IN URBAN AND EVEN RURAL ERAS OF THE COUNTRY. AS A CHEAP AND INCREDIBLY ADDICTIVE DRUG ITS USERS QUICKLY WOULD LOSE THEIR DIGNITY, RESPECT, AND MORALS IN THEIR QUEST FOR THE NEXT HIGH. THE PEOPLE WHO SOLD THE DRUG SAW LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY IN RETURN THAT MANY NEVER THOUGHT WAS POSSIBLE. WHILE IT GAVE A WAY FOR THOSE UNDERPRIVILEGED IN GHETTOS A WAY TO MAKE GREAT MONEY AND RISE OUT OF POVERTY, IT UNLEASHED A WAVE OF ADDICTION, DEATH, AND GREED THAT WAS NEVER EXPECTED. DEALERS BEGAN TO WAR OVER TERRITORY TO MAKE SALES CAUSING CRIME NUMBERS IN MAJOR AMERICAN CITIES TO SKYROCKET. PEOPLE THAT WERE ONCE GOOD AND RESPECTABLE CHILDREN, PARENTS, AND FRIENDS WERE NOW SLAVES TO THEIR ADDICTION, WHILE THOSE INVOLVED IN SALES PROSPERED AND BECAME RICH. THE DEVIL IT SEEMED HAD A DEATH GRIP ON THE POOR COMMUNITIES OF THE AMERICA.

AS A CHILD I SAW THE EFFECTS OF THESE HORRIBLE CONDITIONS WITH MY OWN EYES. YOUNG HIGH SCHOOL KIDS AT THE TIME SOME AS YOUNG AS 13 WERE NOW CARRYING LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY AND OWNING EXPENSIVE JEWELRY AND CARS BEFORE THEY WERE EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO LEGALLY DRIVE. THE ADDICTIONS OF NEW PARENTS CAUSED DAMAGE THAT LASTS EVEN TO THIS DAY. CHILDREN GROWING UP WITH PARENTS THAT SUCCUMBED TO THEIR ADDICTIONS GREW UP WITHOUT THE PROPER GUIDANCE AND EXAMPLES. MANY OF MY PEERS WERE IN THIS VERY SITUATION HAVING TO GROW THROUGH THEIR TEENAGE YEARS WITHOUT ANYONE TO REALLY TEACH THEM HOW TO MANEUVER THROUGH THESE TOUGH TIMES. PEOPLE GOING TO JAIL IN HUGE NUMBERS, AND CONSTANT FIGHTING AND ROBBERIES OVER DRUGS AND TERRITORY BECAME A NORMAL OCCURRENCE DURING THESE TIMES. I REMEMBER LAYING IN MY BED AS A CHILD WAITING TO HEAR THE SOUND OF GUNSHOTS THAT WERE SURE TO BREAK THE SILENCE OF THE NIGHT ON A DAILY BASIS. I LOVE THIS ERA FOR MY CHILDHOOD AND A LOT OF THE GREAT MEMORIES THAT I CARRY EVEN TODAY, AND I HATE THIS ERA FOR ALL THE DEATH THAT IT CAUSED AND ALL THE FAMILIES THAT IT DESTROYED. THE DAMAGE IT CAUSED WAS SO UNREPAIRABLE AND THE EVIDENCE OF IT CAN BE SEEN TODAY IN MY GENERATION.

IF THE PREVIOUS GENERATION WAS LABELED X THEN MY OWN I WOULD CALL GENERATION LOST. THE MORALS AND PRINCIPLES THAT WE SHOULD EMBRACE AND RESPECT ARE NOW REPLACED WITH SELFISHNESS AND GREED. WE WORSHIP THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR MORE THEN WE DO GOD AND RELIGION. TO MANY RELATIONSHIPS WITH LOVED ONES MEAN NOTHING COMPARED TO THE MONEY THAT THEY SEEK. THE CYCLE OF PEOPLE GROWING UP WITHOUT PROPER PARENTING CONTINUES EVEN TODAY AS THOSE WHO GREW UP WITHOUT THEIR OWN PARENTS NOW DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE AND PARENT THEIR OWN CHILDREN. WHILE MANY DEALERS, WHOLESALERS, AND EVEN GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS GOT RICH DURING THIS ERA I TRULY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THOSE INDIVIDUALS COULD BE SO SELFISH AS TO PROFIT OFF OF SO MUCH DEATH AND TRAGEDY. I TRULY HOPE TO NEVER SEE ANOTHER TIME LIKE THIS AGAIN AS I WOULD NOT WANT TO BE ALIVE TO WITNESS IT.

So Who Am I? Part 2

SO WHO AM I?

PART 2

A PHOENIX RISING FROM THE ASHES OF THE FIRES OF HELL IS HOW I WOULD COMPARE MY TRANSFORMATION. AROUND THE END OF MY JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL IN THE SUMMER OF 99 THE WAY PREVIOUSLY HAD SAW THINGS BEGAN TO CHANGE. WHILE IT TOOK MUCH LONGER TO REACH THE MELLOWED OUT AND FUN LOVING ATTITUDE I POSSESS NOW, I GREW TIRED OF HAVING TO LOOK OVER MY SHOULDER, AVOIDING THE POLICE, AND TRYING STAY AWAY FROM SHADY SITUATIONS. THE FACT THAT I NEVER WAS ARRESTED IS TRULY AMAZING TO ME BECAUSE I DEFINITELY DESERVED THAT AND MUCH MORE OR SEVERAL OCCASIONS. SOUL SEARCHING AND SELF DISCOVERY WAS ALL THAT WAS ON MY MIND THAT SUMMER. RARELY LEAVING HOME I READ ALMOST NONE STOP AND WOULD JUST THINK ABOUT ANY AND EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS. REALIZING THAT CONTINUING TO SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL WAS NOT IN MY BEST INTEREST NOR WAS HOW I WAS MISREPRESENTING MY PARENTS. TRYING TO FIND OUTLETS FOR MY ANGER OTHER THEN PLAYING SPORTS I IMMERSED MYSELF INTO WRITING AND SELF EXPRESSION IN ANY AND ALL FORMATS. MANY POEMS, SONGS, AND PERSONAL ESSAYS FOLLOWED AS I WOULD POUR OUT THE CONTENTS OF MY MIND, HEART, AND SOUL ONTO PAPER DAY AFTER DAY. MENTAL EXERCISES SUCH AS THESE ALLOWED ME TO DISCOVER NEW ASPECTS OF WHO I WAS AS A PERSON THAT I NEVER KNEW BEFORE. WHILE I CONTINUED TO RUN THE STREETS IT WAS MORE IN SEARCH OF FUN AND ADVENTURE RATHER THEN PUTTING MYSELF IN HARM'S WAY FOR FOOLISH REASONS. AFTER GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL IN JUNE OF 2000 I BEGAN TO WANT TO CHANGE EVEN MORE AND WHILE I WOULD CONTINUE TO BUMP MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL LIKE MANY YOUNG MEN THAT AGE DO I WAS BETTER OFF THEN HOW I ONCE WAS. MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH MUSIC STARTED WHEN I WAS A SMALL CHILD AND AS MUCH AS I LOVED IT, IN THOSE TIMES IT LOVED ME BACK BEING THAT IT REALLY WAS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT SAVED MY LIFE.

AFTER SPENDING A COUPLE YEARS AT JUNIOR COLLEGE SELLING MORE WEED IN THE QUAD RATHER THEN GOING TO CLASS I REALLY SEARCHED FOR SOMETHING POSITIVE AND MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL TO GET INTO. A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE WHO WAS IN A SIMILAR SITUATION MENTIONED THAT HE WAS INTERESTED IN GOING TO CULINARY SCHOOL AND AS I THOUGHT ABOUT IT I SOON DECIDED THAT IS WHAT I WANTED TO DO. THE SCHOOL BEING LOCATED IN SAN FRANCISCO I FELT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME TO LEARN ABOUT SOMETHING I LOVED ANYWAY (FOOD) AND TO BE IN A DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENT 5 DAYS OUT OF THE WEEK. THE YEAR AND A HALF THAT I ATTENDED SCHOOL OUT THERE DID A LOT FOR ME AS FAR AS BROADENING MY HORIZONS AND LEARNING ABOUT DIFFERENT CULTURES EVEN MORE THEN I ALREADY HAD PREVIOUSLY. OVERALL IT WAS A GREAT EXPERIENCE THAT I WOULDN'T TRADE FOR THE WORLD, ALL THOUGH BEING A 21 YEAR OLD KID AT THE TIME I ACTED AS A YOUNG PERSON THAT AGE WOULD AND I DO REGRET THEY I TREATED PEOPLE AT TIMES BUT IT WAS ALL A HUGE LEARNING EXPERIENCE. PEOPLE THAT I ATTENDED SCHOOL WITH WERE FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY AND IN SOME CASES THE WORLD, PEOPLE FROM ALL DIFFERENT ETHNIC AND EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUNDS. BEING ONE OF A FEW AFRICAN AMERICAN STUDENTS WAS A CHALLENGE AND A BENEFIT AT DIFFERENT TIMES THROUGHOUT MY STAY THERE. FROM THE BEGINNING I COULD TELL THAT MANY PEOPLE HAD NEVER HAD VERY MANY ENCOUNTERS WITH A YOUNG BLACK MAN WHO WASN'T AN ATHLETE OR A MUSICIAN OF SOME SORT, IT ALWAYS AMAZED ME HOW LIMITED SOME PEOPLE'S THINKING COULD BE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS. I MUST SAY I TOOK OFFENSE TO A FEW COMMENTS BY SOME THAT I FELT WERE MALICIOUS BUT IN ACTUALITY WERE OUT OF NOT KNOWING, SO I FELT A BETTER COURSE OF ACTION WOULD BE TO EDUCATE THOSE FEW ABOUT HOW AND WHERE I CAME UP, AND ABOUT PEOPLE SIMILAR TO MYSELF. BY HALF WAY THROUGH THE SCHOOL YEAR I WAS WELL LIKED BY MY CLASSMATES AND THE OBJECT OF FEMALE AFFECTION BY SOME. I TRULY VALUE THOSE TIMES IN SCHOOL I THINK OF THEM OFTEN AND SMILE. AT THE END OF MY TENURE I WAS A 22 YEAR OLD WITH MUCH MORE TO LEARN AND GO THROUGH BUT I NOW HAD A CULINARY ARTS DEGREE IN HAND AND A NEW OUTLOOK ON LIFE.

AFTER GRADUATING I WORKED IN A FEW DIFFERENT PLACES AND LEARNED A LOT MORE. I SOON DISCOVERED THAT WHILE I ENJOYED COOKING FOR MYSELF, FAMILY, AND FRIENDS I DIDN'T ENJOY COOKING PROFESSIONALLY AS MUCH. THE QUEST OF FINDING MY CREATIVE NICHE IN SOMETHING I REALLY LOVE IN STILL ONGOING. THE YEARS AFTER CULINARY SCHOOL IS WHEN I BEGAN TO MAKE HUGE STRIDES INTO BECOMING WHO I AM NOW. TRAVELING AND NETWORKING WITH INDIVIDUALS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD BEGAN TO SHOW HOW SMALL MY CIRCLE WAS, HOW BIG THE WORLD WAS AND THINGS THAT I WAS MISSING IN MY LIFE. THE PETTY BUSINESS GOING ON BACK HOME IN VALLEJO BECAME MEANINGLESS TO ME. RELATIONSHIPS WITH SOME OF MY FAMILY WERE FOREVER CHANGED DUE TO SOME INEXCUSABLE ACTIONS OF THEIR PART, AND AS A RESULT I STAYED AWAY FROM THEM AND ALL OTHERS THAT RESEMBLED THEIR ATTITUDE OF JEALOUSY AND IGNORANCE. THE DEATHS OF A FEW PEOPLE THAT I GREW UP WITH ALSO ALTERED MY MIND STATE. AT TIMES I FELT I WAS GOING CRAZY, SO MANY BAD THINGS WERE HAPPENING AROUND ME AND I WAS POWERLESS TO STOP THEM. FRIENDS AND FAMILY LOST IN DRUGS OR IN JAIL, SENSELESS ARGUING, DECEITFUL WAYS ALL THIS TOOK A TOLL ON ME. EVEN THOUGH I WAS SURROUNDED BY THE MADNESS OF THE WORLD I WAS SOME HOW PROTECTED FROM IT ALL IN WAYS THAT IN YEARS BEFORE I WAS NOT. I COULD ALMOST FEEL GOD'S PRESENCE GUIDING ME AND SHOWING ME EXAMPLES OF WHAT I SHOULDN'T BE.

So Who Am I? Part 1

SO WHO AM I?

PART 1

ON AUGUST 10TH OF THE YEAR 1982 IN THE NORTHERN CALIFORNIA CITY OF VALLEJO AT 11:29 PM I OPENED EYES AND STARTED A JOURNEY OF ENLIGHTENMENT THAT IS STILL FAR FROM COMPLETION ALMOST 27 YEARS LATER. A PRODUCT OF GOOD PARENTS AND FOR THE MOST PART A GOOD FAMILY WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A FEW MEMBERS I GREW UP ON THE EASTSIDE OF TOWN RIGHT OFF OF REDWOOD PARKWAY CLOSE TO THE FREEWAY I-80 A MAIN THOROUGHFARE THAT RUNS RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY. THE EAST OR E.S.V AS WE LIKE TO CALL IT WAS THEN AND PROBABLY STILL IS THE MOST DIVERSE OF MANY SECTIONS OF THE TOWN. YOU COULD EASILY HAVE 9 OR 10 DIFFERENT NATIONALITIES OF PEOPLE ON ONE STREET, AND MANY INTERRACIAL COUPLES AND FRIEND GROUPS WHICH OFFERED A INTERESTING DEMOGRAPHIC. NOT UNCOMMON WOULD IT BE TO SEE A BLACK PERSON THAT COULD SPEAK SPANISH FLUENTLY, AN ASIAN GIRL HANGING WITH ALL BLACK GIRLS OR A WHITE TEENAGER PARTICIPATING IN A FILIPINO GIRLS COTILLION WHICH IS A CEREMONY THAT IS THE CELEBRATION OF HER 18TH BIRTHDAY. I HAVE A LOVE AND HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PLACE OF MY BIRTH, BUT EVEN SO IT HAS AFFORDED ME EXPERIENCES THAT I DON'T THINK I COULD HAVE GOTTEN IN ANY OTHER PLACE. I LOVE IT FOR THE DIVERSITY OF ETHNICITY AND CULTURES WHICH TO ME IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD, SEEING SO MANY PEOPLE OF VARIOUS BACKGROUNDS FUNCTION TOGETHER PEACEFULLY ( WELL MOST OF THE TIME) AND ALL BECOME ONE TO FORM SUCH A UNIQUE COMMUNITY. VALLEJO WOULD NOT BE THE SMALL BUT STRANGELY FAMOUS CITY THAT IT IS IF NOT FOR IT BECOMING THE MELTING POT THAT IT HAS. I HATE IT FOR THE ATTITUDE THAT IT FORCES MANY OF IT'S RESIDENTS TO TAKE ON. THE AVERAGE CHILD GROWING UP HERE MUST DEVELOP A DEFENSE MECHANISM OF SOME SORT TO SIMPLY MAKE IT THROUGH THEIR YOUNG YEARS WITH A SANE MIND AND INTACT BODY. IT FORCES YOU TO GROW UP WITH AN ATTITUDE OF HEARTLESSNESS AND OVER THE YEARS YOUR SYMPATHY FOR YOUR FELLOW HUMAN BEING SLOWLY DIES. THOSE OF US THAT SURVIVE VALLEJO MUST HAVE A STRONG MENTAL MAKEUP TO TURN AWAY FROM THE JEALOUSLY AND SOMETIMES FLAT OUT EVIL THAT WAITS RIGHT OUTSIDE OF ARE DOORS EACH AND EVERY DAY. THESE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE ASPECTS PRODUCES SOME VERY ONE OF A KIND PEOPLE FROM THE MOST ANONYMOUS TO THE MORE FAMOUS OF US (MAC DRE, E-40, C.C SABATHIA). A CERTAIN WAY THAT VALLEJOANS DO SIMPLE THINGS LIKE ENGAGE IN CONVERSATION OR EVEN MORE SIMPLY DRESS, WALK AND TALK IS SURPRISINGLY ADMIRED IN THE REGIONS THAT THE NATIVES OF THE CITY HAVE MIGRATED TO OVER THE YEARS. AS NATIVE VALLEJO RAPPER TURF TALK SAID

"STICK MY CHEST OUT WHEN I SAY IM FROM VALLEJO", WE ALL CARRY A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF PRIDE FOR BEING FROM HERE WHETHER WE CHOSE TO STAY HERE OR LEAVE.

I MYSELF WAS FAR FROM IMMUNE TO THE NEGATIVE ASPECTS OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT THE "ALLURE OF THE STREET LIFE " WHICH MANY OF US GET SUCKED INTO GROWING UP. GETTING INVOLVED IN SUCH ACTIVITY CAN HAVE A DEVASTATING EFFECT ON A YOUNG IMPRESSIONABLE AND DEVELOPING MIND THAT MAY TAKE YEARS IF NOT DECADES TO FULLY RID ITSELF OF. AT A YOUNG AGE I WAS A SORT OF "JEKYLL AND HIDE" TYPE OF CHILD. I WENT TO SCHOOL AND PLAYED SPORTS THROUGHOUT MY YOUTH AND TO MOST I WAS CONSIDERED A GOOD KID, BUT TO OTHERS I WAS SEEN AS A VIOLENT, DISAGREEABLE, AND DEVIOUS PERSON BY THE TIME I REACHED HIGH SCHOOL. DURING THIS TIME I GOT INVOLVED IN THE USE OF ALCOHOL, HEAVY USE AND SELL OF MARIJUANA AS WELL AS MORE THEN MY SHARE OF CONFRONTATIONS THAT MOST OF THE TIME INVOLVED FIST FIGHTING BUT WOULD ON OCCASION WOULD INCLUDE GUNFIRE AND THE USE OF KNIVES. BEING HEAVILY INTOXICATED AT SCHOOL WAS NOTHING OUT OF ORDINARY FOR ME AS I REALLY EMBRACED A REBEL ME AGAINST THE WORLD ATTITUDE. WHILE I HAD COUSINS AND FRIENDS BEING AN ONLY CHILD HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE WAY I OPERATED AND CARRIED MYSELF AT THE TIME, BEING THAT I SPENT A LOT OF TIME BY MYSELF. PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT BEING AS INDEPTH AS I COULD WITH THE DETAILS BUT IT INVOLKES SOME PAINFUL MEMEORIES AND SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEFT NOT SAID. I AM VERY FORTUNATE TO HAVE MADE IT THROUGH THIS TURBULENT AND CHAOTIC TIME IN MY LIFE. REMEMBERING TIMES BACK THEN WHEN I WOULD WAKE UP ON A MONDAY AND HONESTLY NOT KNOW IF I WOULD MAKE IT TO SEE FRIDAY. SOME NIGHTS EVEN TILL THIS DAY I HAVE VERY STRANGE DREAMS AND SOME NIGHTMARES ABOUT THINGS THAT I'VE SEEN OR WERE DIRECTLY INVOLVED IN. I IN NO WAY WILL EVER TRY AND GLORIFY ANY OF THIS AS I AM NOT PROUD OF IT BUT REALIZE IT MADE ME INTO THE CALM, RELAXED AND KNOWLEDGEABLE PERSON I AM TODAY, SO IN MY MIND I MUST HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO EXPERIENCE THESE THINGS FOR WHATEVER REASON. THE RESULT WAS A SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL AWAKENING AND THROUGH THIS I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT I WAS PUT HERE TO BE MORE THEN A LOW LIFE CRIMINALLY MINDED TEENAGER.