So Who Am I? Part 2

SO WHO AM I?

PART 2

A PHOENIX RISING FROM THE ASHES OF THE FIRES OF HELL IS HOW I WOULD COMPARE MY TRANSFORMATION. AROUND THE END OF MY JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL IN THE SUMMER OF 99 THE WAY PREVIOUSLY HAD SAW THINGS BEGAN TO CHANGE. WHILE IT TOOK MUCH LONGER TO REACH THE MELLOWED OUT AND FUN LOVING ATTITUDE I POSSESS NOW, I GREW TIRED OF HAVING TO LOOK OVER MY SHOULDER, AVOIDING THE POLICE, AND TRYING STAY AWAY FROM SHADY SITUATIONS. THE FACT THAT I NEVER WAS ARRESTED IS TRULY AMAZING TO ME BECAUSE I DEFINITELY DESERVED THAT AND MUCH MORE OR SEVERAL OCCASIONS. SOUL SEARCHING AND SELF DISCOVERY WAS ALL THAT WAS ON MY MIND THAT SUMMER. RARELY LEAVING HOME I READ ALMOST NONE STOP AND WOULD JUST THINK ABOUT ANY AND EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS. REALIZING THAT CONTINUING TO SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL WAS NOT IN MY BEST INTEREST NOR WAS HOW I WAS MISREPRESENTING MY PARENTS. TRYING TO FIND OUTLETS FOR MY ANGER OTHER THEN PLAYING SPORTS I IMMERSED MYSELF INTO WRITING AND SELF EXPRESSION IN ANY AND ALL FORMATS. MANY POEMS, SONGS, AND PERSONAL ESSAYS FOLLOWED AS I WOULD POUR OUT THE CONTENTS OF MY MIND, HEART, AND SOUL ONTO PAPER DAY AFTER DAY. MENTAL EXERCISES SUCH AS THESE ALLOWED ME TO DISCOVER NEW ASPECTS OF WHO I WAS AS A PERSON THAT I NEVER KNEW BEFORE. WHILE I CONTINUED TO RUN THE STREETS IT WAS MORE IN SEARCH OF FUN AND ADVENTURE RATHER THEN PUTTING MYSELF IN HARM'S WAY FOR FOOLISH REASONS. AFTER GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL IN JUNE OF 2000 I BEGAN TO WANT TO CHANGE EVEN MORE AND WHILE I WOULD CONTINUE TO BUMP MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL LIKE MANY YOUNG MEN THAT AGE DO I WAS BETTER OFF THEN HOW I ONCE WAS. MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH MUSIC STARTED WHEN I WAS A SMALL CHILD AND AS MUCH AS I LOVED IT, IN THOSE TIMES IT LOVED ME BACK BEING THAT IT REALLY WAS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT SAVED MY LIFE.

AFTER SPENDING A COUPLE YEARS AT JUNIOR COLLEGE SELLING MORE WEED IN THE QUAD RATHER THEN GOING TO CLASS I REALLY SEARCHED FOR SOMETHING POSITIVE AND MUCH MORE BENEFICIAL TO GET INTO. A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE WHO WAS IN A SIMILAR SITUATION MENTIONED THAT HE WAS INTERESTED IN GOING TO CULINARY SCHOOL AND AS I THOUGHT ABOUT IT I SOON DECIDED THAT IS WHAT I WANTED TO DO. THE SCHOOL BEING LOCATED IN SAN FRANCISCO I FELT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME TO LEARN ABOUT SOMETHING I LOVED ANYWAY (FOOD) AND TO BE IN A DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENT 5 DAYS OUT OF THE WEEK. THE YEAR AND A HALF THAT I ATTENDED SCHOOL OUT THERE DID A LOT FOR ME AS FAR AS BROADENING MY HORIZONS AND LEARNING ABOUT DIFFERENT CULTURES EVEN MORE THEN I ALREADY HAD PREVIOUSLY. OVERALL IT WAS A GREAT EXPERIENCE THAT I WOULDN'T TRADE FOR THE WORLD, ALL THOUGH BEING A 21 YEAR OLD KID AT THE TIME I ACTED AS A YOUNG PERSON THAT AGE WOULD AND I DO REGRET THEY I TREATED PEOPLE AT TIMES BUT IT WAS ALL A HUGE LEARNING EXPERIENCE. PEOPLE THAT I ATTENDED SCHOOL WITH WERE FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY AND IN SOME CASES THE WORLD, PEOPLE FROM ALL DIFFERENT ETHNIC AND EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUNDS. BEING ONE OF A FEW AFRICAN AMERICAN STUDENTS WAS A CHALLENGE AND A BENEFIT AT DIFFERENT TIMES THROUGHOUT MY STAY THERE. FROM THE BEGINNING I COULD TELL THAT MANY PEOPLE HAD NEVER HAD VERY MANY ENCOUNTERS WITH A YOUNG BLACK MAN WHO WASN'T AN ATHLETE OR A MUSICIAN OF SOME SORT, IT ALWAYS AMAZED ME HOW LIMITED SOME PEOPLE'S THINKING COULD BE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS. I MUST SAY I TOOK OFFENSE TO A FEW COMMENTS BY SOME THAT I FELT WERE MALICIOUS BUT IN ACTUALITY WERE OUT OF NOT KNOWING, SO I FELT A BETTER COURSE OF ACTION WOULD BE TO EDUCATE THOSE FEW ABOUT HOW AND WHERE I CAME UP, AND ABOUT PEOPLE SIMILAR TO MYSELF. BY HALF WAY THROUGH THE SCHOOL YEAR I WAS WELL LIKED BY MY CLASSMATES AND THE OBJECT OF FEMALE AFFECTION BY SOME. I TRULY VALUE THOSE TIMES IN SCHOOL I THINK OF THEM OFTEN AND SMILE. AT THE END OF MY TENURE I WAS A 22 YEAR OLD WITH MUCH MORE TO LEARN AND GO THROUGH BUT I NOW HAD A CULINARY ARTS DEGREE IN HAND AND A NEW OUTLOOK ON LIFE.

AFTER GRADUATING I WORKED IN A FEW DIFFERENT PLACES AND LEARNED A LOT MORE. I SOON DISCOVERED THAT WHILE I ENJOYED COOKING FOR MYSELF, FAMILY, AND FRIENDS I DIDN'T ENJOY COOKING PROFESSIONALLY AS MUCH. THE QUEST OF FINDING MY CREATIVE NICHE IN SOMETHING I REALLY LOVE IN STILL ONGOING. THE YEARS AFTER CULINARY SCHOOL IS WHEN I BEGAN TO MAKE HUGE STRIDES INTO BECOMING WHO I AM NOW. TRAVELING AND NETWORKING WITH INDIVIDUALS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD BEGAN TO SHOW HOW SMALL MY CIRCLE WAS, HOW BIG THE WORLD WAS AND THINGS THAT I WAS MISSING IN MY LIFE. THE PETTY BUSINESS GOING ON BACK HOME IN VALLEJO BECAME MEANINGLESS TO ME. RELATIONSHIPS WITH SOME OF MY FAMILY WERE FOREVER CHANGED DUE TO SOME INEXCUSABLE ACTIONS OF THEIR PART, AND AS A RESULT I STAYED AWAY FROM THEM AND ALL OTHERS THAT RESEMBLED THEIR ATTITUDE OF JEALOUSY AND IGNORANCE. THE DEATHS OF A FEW PEOPLE THAT I GREW UP WITH ALSO ALTERED MY MIND STATE. AT TIMES I FELT I WAS GOING CRAZY, SO MANY BAD THINGS WERE HAPPENING AROUND ME AND I WAS POWERLESS TO STOP THEM. FRIENDS AND FAMILY LOST IN DRUGS OR IN JAIL, SENSELESS ARGUING, DECEITFUL WAYS ALL THIS TOOK A TOLL ON ME. EVEN THOUGH I WAS SURROUNDED BY THE MADNESS OF THE WORLD I WAS SOME HOW PROTECTED FROM IT ALL IN WAYS THAT IN YEARS BEFORE I WAS NOT. I COULD ALMOST FEEL GOD'S PRESENCE GUIDING ME AND SHOWING ME EXAMPLES OF WHAT I SHOULDN'T BE.