So Who Am I? Part 1

SO WHO AM I?

PART 1

ON AUGUST 10TH OF THE YEAR 1982 IN THE NORTHERN CALIFORNIA CITY OF VALLEJO AT 11:29 PM I OPENED EYES AND STARTED A JOURNEY OF ENLIGHTENMENT THAT IS STILL FAR FROM COMPLETION ALMOST 27 YEARS LATER. A PRODUCT OF GOOD PARENTS AND FOR THE MOST PART A GOOD FAMILY WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A FEW MEMBERS I GREW UP ON THE EASTSIDE OF TOWN RIGHT OFF OF REDWOOD PARKWAY CLOSE TO THE FREEWAY I-80 A MAIN THOROUGHFARE THAT RUNS RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY. THE EAST OR E.S.V AS WE LIKE TO CALL IT WAS THEN AND PROBABLY STILL IS THE MOST DIVERSE OF MANY SECTIONS OF THE TOWN. YOU COULD EASILY HAVE 9 OR 10 DIFFERENT NATIONALITIES OF PEOPLE ON ONE STREET, AND MANY INTERRACIAL COUPLES AND FRIEND GROUPS WHICH OFFERED A INTERESTING DEMOGRAPHIC. NOT UNCOMMON WOULD IT BE TO SEE A BLACK PERSON THAT COULD SPEAK SPANISH FLUENTLY, AN ASIAN GIRL HANGING WITH ALL BLACK GIRLS OR A WHITE TEENAGER PARTICIPATING IN A FILIPINO GIRLS COTILLION WHICH IS A CEREMONY THAT IS THE CELEBRATION OF HER 18TH BIRTHDAY. I HAVE A LOVE AND HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PLACE OF MY BIRTH, BUT EVEN SO IT HAS AFFORDED ME EXPERIENCES THAT I DON'T THINK I COULD HAVE GOTTEN IN ANY OTHER PLACE. I LOVE IT FOR THE DIVERSITY OF ETHNICITY AND CULTURES WHICH TO ME IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD, SEEING SO MANY PEOPLE OF VARIOUS BACKGROUNDS FUNCTION TOGETHER PEACEFULLY ( WELL MOST OF THE TIME) AND ALL BECOME ONE TO FORM SUCH A UNIQUE COMMUNITY. VALLEJO WOULD NOT BE THE SMALL BUT STRANGELY FAMOUS CITY THAT IT IS IF NOT FOR IT BECOMING THE MELTING POT THAT IT HAS. I HATE IT FOR THE ATTITUDE THAT IT FORCES MANY OF IT'S RESIDENTS TO TAKE ON. THE AVERAGE CHILD GROWING UP HERE MUST DEVELOP A DEFENSE MECHANISM OF SOME SORT TO SIMPLY MAKE IT THROUGH THEIR YOUNG YEARS WITH A SANE MIND AND INTACT BODY. IT FORCES YOU TO GROW UP WITH AN ATTITUDE OF HEARTLESSNESS AND OVER THE YEARS YOUR SYMPATHY FOR YOUR FELLOW HUMAN BEING SLOWLY DIES. THOSE OF US THAT SURVIVE VALLEJO MUST HAVE A STRONG MENTAL MAKEUP TO TURN AWAY FROM THE JEALOUSLY AND SOMETIMES FLAT OUT EVIL THAT WAITS RIGHT OUTSIDE OF ARE DOORS EACH AND EVERY DAY. THESE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE ASPECTS PRODUCES SOME VERY ONE OF A KIND PEOPLE FROM THE MOST ANONYMOUS TO THE MORE FAMOUS OF US (MAC DRE, E-40, C.C SABATHIA). A CERTAIN WAY THAT VALLEJOANS DO SIMPLE THINGS LIKE ENGAGE IN CONVERSATION OR EVEN MORE SIMPLY DRESS, WALK AND TALK IS SURPRISINGLY ADMIRED IN THE REGIONS THAT THE NATIVES OF THE CITY HAVE MIGRATED TO OVER THE YEARS. AS NATIVE VALLEJO RAPPER TURF TALK SAID

"STICK MY CHEST OUT WHEN I SAY IM FROM VALLEJO", WE ALL CARRY A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF PRIDE FOR BEING FROM HERE WHETHER WE CHOSE TO STAY HERE OR LEAVE.

I MYSELF WAS FAR FROM IMMUNE TO THE NEGATIVE ASPECTS OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT THE "ALLURE OF THE STREET LIFE " WHICH MANY OF US GET SUCKED INTO GROWING UP. GETTING INVOLVED IN SUCH ACTIVITY CAN HAVE A DEVASTATING EFFECT ON A YOUNG IMPRESSIONABLE AND DEVELOPING MIND THAT MAY TAKE YEARS IF NOT DECADES TO FULLY RID ITSELF OF. AT A YOUNG AGE I WAS A SORT OF "JEKYLL AND HIDE" TYPE OF CHILD. I WENT TO SCHOOL AND PLAYED SPORTS THROUGHOUT MY YOUTH AND TO MOST I WAS CONSIDERED A GOOD KID, BUT TO OTHERS I WAS SEEN AS A VIOLENT, DISAGREEABLE, AND DEVIOUS PERSON BY THE TIME I REACHED HIGH SCHOOL. DURING THIS TIME I GOT INVOLVED IN THE USE OF ALCOHOL, HEAVY USE AND SELL OF MARIJUANA AS WELL AS MORE THEN MY SHARE OF CONFRONTATIONS THAT MOST OF THE TIME INVOLVED FIST FIGHTING BUT WOULD ON OCCASION WOULD INCLUDE GUNFIRE AND THE USE OF KNIVES. BEING HEAVILY INTOXICATED AT SCHOOL WAS NOTHING OUT OF ORDINARY FOR ME AS I REALLY EMBRACED A REBEL ME AGAINST THE WORLD ATTITUDE. WHILE I HAD COUSINS AND FRIENDS BEING AN ONLY CHILD HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE WAY I OPERATED AND CARRIED MYSELF AT THE TIME, BEING THAT I SPENT A LOT OF TIME BY MYSELF. PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT BEING AS INDEPTH AS I COULD WITH THE DETAILS BUT IT INVOLKES SOME PAINFUL MEMEORIES AND SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEFT NOT SAID. I AM VERY FORTUNATE TO HAVE MADE IT THROUGH THIS TURBULENT AND CHAOTIC TIME IN MY LIFE. REMEMBERING TIMES BACK THEN WHEN I WOULD WAKE UP ON A MONDAY AND HONESTLY NOT KNOW IF I WOULD MAKE IT TO SEE FRIDAY. SOME NIGHTS EVEN TILL THIS DAY I HAVE VERY STRANGE DREAMS AND SOME NIGHTMARES ABOUT THINGS THAT I'VE SEEN OR WERE DIRECTLY INVOLVED IN. I IN NO WAY WILL EVER TRY AND GLORIFY ANY OF THIS AS I AM NOT PROUD OF IT BUT REALIZE IT MADE ME INTO THE CALM, RELAXED AND KNOWLEDGEABLE PERSON I AM TODAY, SO IN MY MIND I MUST HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO EXPERIENCE THESE THINGS FOR WHATEVER REASON. THE RESULT WAS A SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL AWAKENING AND THROUGH THIS I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT I WAS PUT HERE TO BE MORE THEN A LOW LIFE CRIMINALLY MINDED TEENAGER.